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Low to No Contact
Jul. 24th, 2024 09:01 pmI had this therapist before Covid that said that anxiety will manifest in physical ways, basically like whack-a-mole. It will show up as chronic migraines. Then you will spend months working on migraines until you have them under control. Then you will get insomnia and that will be a thing for a while. Then it will show up as something else. Here are my physical manifestations of anxiety: lower back pain to the point of not being able to get out of bed without help, restless leg syndrome, migraines (although that is rare), insomnia, panic attacks, teeth grinding while asleep, heart palpitations, and acid reflux. Currently I am writing this with two strips of tape down my back to act as a brace that my chiropractor put on because I am the middle of a lower back flair up.
I have been stewing. Have you ever left your grandmother’s house crying and inconsolable because of something that your grandmother did to you? I never have. I wasn’t a big fan of my father’s mother because she was so strict, but she never made me cry. My mom’s mom was such a lovely person that I got a star tattoo on the back of my neck in her honor.
The thing is, Caleb has.
Last week we went to an Oakland A’s game because my mother is a fan and we happened to get into a conversation about a month ago about taking Caleb to a game. She immediately bought tickets without asking me if I would drive or get a hotel room (It was a night game and a three-hour drive just to get there). I was just like, sure. She bought the tickets. I’ll deal. Thankfully as we got closer Jon offered to come and buy a hotel room knowing that my sister Heather was going too and would drive mom. The build up to the event was not pretty in my head.
The reason mom made Caleb cry; I might have already mentioned here. Caleb was out at her house, and she was not paying attention to him. He came outside where we were, and he voiced his concerns about the fact that mom wasn’t paying attention to him and paid attention to Stella (his cousin) instead. I was playing with Stella outside at the time so yes, he was ignored, and said that nobody was playing with him. Mom piped up and said that “well, your mom loves Stella” completely ignoring Caleb’s feelings and “defending” Stella. Caleb just walked off and cried. I followed him into the house and acknowledged his feelings, said I was sorry for my part, and asked if he wanted to go home. We planned on staying for dinner, but he said he wanted to go, so we left. Full stop. A couple of days later I called mom and laid into her about how upset she made Caleb and that she should apologize to him. She asked me to do it and I said no. She made this mess; she needs to clean it up. She bought him a gift and never owned up to her shitty behavior. Caleb hasn’t been excited to see his grandmother since.
So, the trip to Oakland happened and when we met up after driving separately, I found myself saying “hug your grandmother.” when he just put his hands in his pockets and said hi upon seeing his grandmother. I will not be saying that anymore.
A person on TikTok said that he didn’t realize that he had such bad parents until he became a parent. It’s strange to have a cool relationship at best with your mom, but when it goes from bad to worse when you have a kiddo is hard to live through. I took her off Caleb’s emergency contact list when I had to fill out forms for the new school year. I don’t want to subject him to anymore disappointment or pain from her. It’s fucking hard to shoulder it myself.
I have been stewing. Have you ever left your grandmother’s house crying and inconsolable because of something that your grandmother did to you? I never have. I wasn’t a big fan of my father’s mother because she was so strict, but she never made me cry. My mom’s mom was such a lovely person that I got a star tattoo on the back of my neck in her honor.
The thing is, Caleb has.
Last week we went to an Oakland A’s game because my mother is a fan and we happened to get into a conversation about a month ago about taking Caleb to a game. She immediately bought tickets without asking me if I would drive or get a hotel room (It was a night game and a three-hour drive just to get there). I was just like, sure. She bought the tickets. I’ll deal. Thankfully as we got closer Jon offered to come and buy a hotel room knowing that my sister Heather was going too and would drive mom. The build up to the event was not pretty in my head.
The reason mom made Caleb cry; I might have already mentioned here. Caleb was out at her house, and she was not paying attention to him. He came outside where we were, and he voiced his concerns about the fact that mom wasn’t paying attention to him and paid attention to Stella (his cousin) instead. I was playing with Stella outside at the time so yes, he was ignored, and said that nobody was playing with him. Mom piped up and said that “well, your mom loves Stella” completely ignoring Caleb’s feelings and “defending” Stella. Caleb just walked off and cried. I followed him into the house and acknowledged his feelings, said I was sorry for my part, and asked if he wanted to go home. We planned on staying for dinner, but he said he wanted to go, so we left. Full stop. A couple of days later I called mom and laid into her about how upset she made Caleb and that she should apologize to him. She asked me to do it and I said no. She made this mess; she needs to clean it up. She bought him a gift and never owned up to her shitty behavior. Caleb hasn’t been excited to see his grandmother since.
So, the trip to Oakland happened and when we met up after driving separately, I found myself saying “hug your grandmother.” when he just put his hands in his pockets and said hi upon seeing his grandmother. I will not be saying that anymore.
A person on TikTok said that he didn’t realize that he had such bad parents until he became a parent. It’s strange to have a cool relationship at best with your mom, but when it goes from bad to worse when you have a kiddo is hard to live through. I took her off Caleb’s emergency contact list when I had to fill out forms for the new school year. I don’t want to subject him to anymore disappointment or pain from her. It’s fucking hard to shoulder it myself.
